The Eel Gets The Bash!

WARNING!

This could possibly offend regarding killing the eels (tuna), so stop reading now.

Ngawha, Northland, New Zealand. This location was basically my 2nd home and is where the next New Zealand story is derived from. I used to help on my best mates Marae in the kitchen and I made a damn good coleslaw I might add. Used to strap on the gloves and shell oyster after oyster. One for me, one for the pot, one for me, one for the pot. The blokes laid down the Hangi (earth oven, traditional Maori cooking in the ground, bloody yum I tell ya!).

Sometimes when there were 100's of people staying we would have to set up beds in an old school up The Lane near the Marae. The school has been retired of its services for many years now, and the families/friends who rest their heads on the pillows were protected by the spirits of the elders/forefathers who have passed. This old school was up The Lane, a short rickety road with homes of the Whanau (families)dotted on both sides. Dogs tied up with a bit of rope or roaming to scavenge what they could find, and kids hooning around outside in their own world.

On this day there were heaps of people, mattresses everywhere, people sitting on the big veranda having a korero (talk). Some were racing around doing dishes, preparing food, doing dishes, organising the nights feed, doing dishes, making cups of tea, doing dishes.... damn dishes!

Darkness fell but it didn't stop the chitter-chatter and hum of the living. Kids playing tag in the dark and adults laughing and telling stories of the old days as best their memories could recall.

"Oi! you two... go get some eels aye?"... "yes uncle". Man, we wanted to still sit down and have a laugh chuggin' on cigarettes with our cups of tea after a feed, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. So throw in the towel and replace it with a bit of nylon line. So we got our shit together... Nylon, check... hooks, check...stink rotten bait, check (don't sniff it! GAG, cough)...

Her cuz decided to come with us too. Her cousin was my mate too, she was what you would call of a generous size and could just tap you on the arm and bowl you for a sixer! Didn't know her own strength anyway. Glad she was my mate and not an enemy haha.

Wandered down to the creek with a torch in hand and over sized gumboots dragging along the metal road then skidding down the grass bank to the water. We were having a laugh about the stink bait that we acquired, still gagging while sticking it on the hooks. Laughing...gagging...laughing some more. Bloody girls! We chucked the lines in the creek and sat down charfing on our smokes telling each other stories then remembering that we had to be quiet so then would tell each other to shut the hell up so we didn't scare the eels away, crack up.

Tug... tug-tug... tug... WOH! Chaos! Hooked the buggar! Splash, splash! "It's a big mumma!", "Quick!", quick what? Just pull the bloody thing in mate! The eel was writhing this way and that, wrapping itself around the line in a spastic slithery kind of way. "Pull the fucking thing up!". So the cuz did. Pulled it way up just in case the buggar got away. The torch flicking all over the place amongst the chaos. "Just hold the torch on the eel bro! Can't see it!". So I did. Then my mate raced over to it and held it around the head, the eel wrapping itself around her, the nylon, and anything else it came into contact with. Man never had one this big! Normally it was pretty easy to kill the bloody thing but this one had probably been hooked before and discovered how to manipulate stupid hunters to escape.

Cuz (the big chick) ended up dropping the line and running to rescue my mate.. screaming in fear. You would have thought we were capturing the biggest Anaconda ever! Dicks! There was nothing left of the line as it was entwined around the big mumma eel. Why didn't we use a hinaki (eel trap)? Why, why, why? "Aaargh! Fuckin' thing bit me!", we were all yelling at the same time giving each other orders but not listening in the panic. The eel at this point was spinning around and around on the ground freaking out. Next thing we know big cuz was holding the biggest, baddest rock above her head, she had vengeance in her eyes and wanted to do some damage! If you could imagine a huge chick, long black hair, fear and hate in her eyes at the same time, with a rock above her head and an eel?... hmmmmmm..... "no, no! You'll bruise the bloody thing"... bashed the rock down with almighty force... missed!....BASH! BIFF! BASH! NO! Crazy shit man... Black hair flying up at right angles, wide eyes, sweat, heavy breathing.

She did it. Gone to eel heaven. Big cuz breathing heavy, her chest heaving, still with a bit of that crazy eye. My mate and I looked at each other with one eyebrow raised and a half sick questionable smirk wondering where the hell the last couple of minutes went. It was like we had blacked out and woken up. It was a mindless killing really, as we couldn't take it back to hang up at the school because it wasn't taken cleanly and would've tasted like shit due to the body being bruised to buggary! Nice one cuz (sarcasm). Go get the hinaki (eel pot) I think and catch them that way aye girls?

I never went eeling with big cuz after that. I think the dead of the night had an impact too... made things more surreal and heightened. I must admit that my best mate and I did crack up afterwards re-running the story over and over having that vision of big cuz losing the plot with an eel. Seeing this chick in a wrath of rage like she was defending herself in war hahaha!

So if you are ever with someone who hasn't been eeling before... give them the torch and chain them down haha!

Another story as fresh New Zealand kiwi chicks.....