The Worlds Fastest Car Bonnet

Here's a New Zealand story for you......

This story is about a classic experience that most farm kids would have experienced back in the days when you weren't wrapped up in cotton wool... getting towed behind a bike riding a bonnet of a car at break neck speed.  The more freaked out we were the better aye?!  Bloody lucky really as Dad was a Panelbeater and we had a couple of spares lying around, perfect!

Yep, we had the car bonnet from 'narm'.  Not very pleasing to the eye but man, we could get catapulted at sudden right angles on the damn thing like a massive rubberband!  Looking back on it now, we could have waxed the bottom of it to break the sound/speed barrier and gotten closer to the heavens with our death defying manouvers haha!

Picture this.... a wickedly over sized helmet, 'hory-boryarlus' rope, a farm bike and a clapped out old bonnet beyond repair.  When we could be bothered we wore over sized ski goggles or sunglasses to stop the bugs and crap shooting into our eyeballs! And to top it off... if the cows had been in the paddock previously then we got shit flung up from the wheels of the bike! Nice, that's what people love (sarcasm), shit in the face!  But, no matter how many cow patties hammered us we waited impatiently for our turn to face the same punishment, loving every minute of it! Screaming and laughing our tits off with mouths wide open...idiots.

The bike would take off slowly coz of the weight in tow, and then once it found its momentum we were off! It was like a horizontal bungy motion where you swallow your guts hoping like hell you were gonna live to the end.  Making sure not to flip backwards with the jolt, as the rider of The Worlds Fastest Car Bonnet would be holding onto the rope with heels dug into the front of it.  Yeehah! Go, go go! Faster, faster, faster bro! Schwiiing!..... getting pinged out sideways as the bike hooned around the bend at the end of the paddock, and the rider of the Bonnet leaning in to avoid becoming a disfigured muddle on the other side. Awesome! More, more, more!

Now paddocks have bumps and bits which give a slight jolt to the spine, but hey, laughter was the best medicine for that I guess, as we didn't really feel it but it looked lethal.  Especially if you got one on the corner bend! You had to make sure that you didn't flip in mid air. You would have thought that we were dying judging from the commotion.  As I said in the story Lethal Mongrels the valley echoed so you would've heard it in Timbuktu mate!

We would normally get a few rounds each and be bummed on the last round knowing that we had to 'wait in line' for the next go.  When the bike slowed to a stop the bonnet rider normally just sat there like a stunned mullet... white knuckles....eyes bulging... massive grin.... bugs or crap (or both) in mouth and on the face... cracking up.... sometimes needing to go for a pee immediately from either being freaked out or laughing so much!  Man! Where was YouTube back then?

So the next person would be hooning up to the dude crawling off the contraption, just about ripping the head off them whilst taking off the helmet so that they could go through the same punishment, always trying to out-do the one before with a bigger lean, so to get shot out faster on the dreaded (but much anticipated) bends.  Hmmm, maybe my comment regarding waxing up the bottom to get more speed was a dick idea....

In fact, I wish I knew someone now who had a big wide space so that I could do it again! Haha! But this time I will be wearing gloves, fitted helmet, scarf on the face and have some toilet paper close by.  Oh and musn't forget the First Aid kit!  And maybe have a dick thought like I said and bring some wax along hahaha! Because after all it's gotta be just as cool and crazy as the real life New Zealand story about.....

The Worlds Fastest Car Bonnet, made with some grass roots kiwi ingenuity and know how from the coolest Dads shed.