Maggots & Earwigs

This story starts off with a blue mini van with surfboards strapped to the roof, 2 blokes, and a kiwi girl.  Destination 1... Takou Bay.  Destination 2... Matauri Bay ,  only the best surf breaks ever!  But alas this isn't about surfing, this is about a series of unfortunate events for 3 pimple popping teenagers.

Hooning off in the mini van (aptly named The Brick) excited and amped.  Nothing could damper our spirits and the thrill of the wave.  The break was about an hour away and we needed to refuel The Brick and our guts.  We decided to shoot off to the local supermarket.  The kind of supermarket that was way too over priced for the locals, out of stock shelves and chips in the concrete floor (nothing flash about that, but hey, what you don't know don't hurt you, as all we teenagers saw was aisles and aisles of food, food, glorious food!).

We used to love sinking our teeth into the little red skinned pre-cooked sausages, so bought a packet of those to munch on.  Then we diverted to the local dairy and picked out the tastiest milkshakes on the planet...hmmmm? Lime? Creaming Soda? Caramel? Bloody choices! Lime it is and one each, awesome.  Now we were ready to do the miles and talk shit on the way to the ultimate ride.  This day was perfect...so far.

We slurped those babeilicious shakes, trying not to choke on the odd hard bit of ice cream that would sometimes block the straw, which meant we had to suck harder and hopefully not choke our way to heaven so soon.  After cracking up for a bit and spinning tall tales of other surf quests, the bloke in the passengers seat starting cracking up and thought he'd be a smart ass by asking what was in his teeth.  He must have gotten an ice cream lump and decided to be a gross buggar and show us the slurp between his teeth.  I looked at him... stared at his teeth real close... looked at him again with one eyebrow raised... looked at what was between his teeth again, but this time with a slight sickening grin and both eyebrows raised......BAHAHAHAHAHA! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Couldn't tell the poor dude! Was laughing so much!  "Pull over bro! Pull over! You gotta see this! Don't look at it yet bro! Just wait" hahahahahaha!

The driver pulled over and he did the same thing, stared... then stared again with an expression of a stunned mullet.... he cracked up, and the gross boy (the passenger) spat out what he was exhibiting between his pearly whites.  It was a bloody Earwig.... lifeless and thankfully not in two pieces! He dry reached and had another spit or two... tears rolling down our eyes.....had to get out and pee mate! Sore guts from laughing so much!

We chilled out for a bit and opened up the sausies.  Munching away so our stomachs didn't eat our backbones from hunger.  We got past the first layer... what are those things wriggling around? Weird.... shit! Maggots! Bloody hickville supermarket! Goddamn gross! Bleuck! We all started heaving, semi laughing at each other at the same time... don't look at each other and we'll settle down..... hahahaha! Barf! Hahahahaha! Barf!

After we emptied our stomachs we couldn't believe the events up until that moment... biffed the sausages and inspected the rest of the milkshakes for any more intruders.  Never say 'whats next?' as there will always be something creeping around the corner.  So we didn't speak of the 'whats next ' scenario, and to avoid any more tummy upsets we didn't eat until we headed home after cutting up the waves.  We still popped into that same supermarket, but didn't get the 'usual', Infested Sausages, because the day was already teamed with good ole' Maggots & Earwigs! Enough grotty grub for one day thanks!

One Day of grossness in A Day In The Life of unsuspecting Kiwi consumers.